The Internet's One-Stop Resource for Parents with Disabilities
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Contributed by Judith I have an announcement to make. It’s not a huge announcement, and not even one that’s particularly surprising coming from a thirty year old woman who has been married for two years: I’m pregnant, and my baby is due on October 28th. No doubt you are thinking that while this is no doubt a happy event for me, there isn’t anything in it that justifies an announcement in Canada’s national newspaper. Normally I would agree with you, but there is one thing that seems to make a difference to some. I have a disability, and I use a wheelchair to get around. When my husband and I made the decision to have a child, it never occurred to me that my disability would have any effect on people’s perceptions of my pregnancy. I felt that all of the minor prejudices that I face with respect to my disability would not apply to my pregnancy, that just because people often make incorrect assumptions about me did not mean that these assumptions would also be made about my unborn child. Unfortunately, after eight months I can see that I was hopelessly naive. You might expect that the most unexpected reactions would come from those who do not know me well, but, to my surprise I have found the most unusual reactions cominf from co-workers and close friends. I realize that a lot of people offer unwanted advice to all who are pregnant, but some manage to go well beyond that with me. About half way through my pregnancy a co-worker, let’s call him Fred, asked me whether my husband and I had gone for genetic counselling. I was surprised by this question but answered truthfully that no, there really wasn’t any need. But, Fred asked, what about my condition? As my paralysis was caused by a viral infection at the age of 14, I answered, no, my condition is not genetic, so there was no need. Fred questioned me further on this, the main thrust of his statements focussing on one issue: Was I sure? Now Fred has worked with me for a while, and as far as I can tell thinks that I am capable and intelligent, but I get pregnant and suddenly here he was, questioning whether I knew enough about my own health to determine whether or not my disability was caused by a genetic condition. I have also had to deal with those who assume that labour, birth, and child care are so difficult that they will be impossible for me. This is despite the fact that for many years I have managed to live by myself and take care of all my personal needs. My absolute favourite of these has got to be the friend who told me that I would likely have to have a caesarean section, because labour would be too hard. She has since expressed a similar view on my ability to stay home and care for my child. I promised her that I while I understood that raising children is challenging, I was sure I could manage. Furthermore, my doctor, he of the medical degree, didn’t believe that a caesarean was necessary or even desirable. Naturally I have complained to other friends with disabilities about these reactions. Surprisingly(at least to me), I have found that the comments I have received have been rather mild. I have been told that I should attribute this good fortune to living in downtown Toronto, as it would seem that reactions elsewhere are worse. My favourite story comes from a friend who lives in a small rural community in Saskatchewan. Susan had only recently moved there from North Battleford, when she suspected she was pregnant. Off she went to the local doctor to enquire about a pregnancy test. Although this sounds easy, there were some steps in the process that she had not counted on. After she told the doctor she wanted a test he seemed very confused. When she asked why, he looked at her and asked why she believed she was pregnant. She explained her reasons and was then asked how this had happened. Susan is kind of sarcastic and replied "My husband and I love each other very much, and sometimes we express our love through physical affection...". At some point in the discussion the doctor stopped her to say "But you’re in a wheelchair!". As far as we can tell, he seemed to believe that this made pregnancy impossible. Somehow Now although this was bad, it seems that the doctor’s reaction when the test came back positive was even worse. According to Susan, the first words out of his mouth after telling her the result, was to ask her when she wanted to schedule the abortion. Needless to say she was quite upset and it reportedly took almost of explaining to convince the doctor that she planned to carry the child to term. He then announced that he disagreed with her decision and that if she continued with it he would not be her physician. Consequently she ended up driving into Regina for prenatal care and I’m happy to say is now the mother of a happy, healthy two year old girl. My question in all of this is why do people have such a hard time dealing with disability and pregnancy together? Is it because the disabled as a group are seen as asexual or childlike and are thus not supposed to reporduce? Is it because people are afraid we are irresponsible and unable to care for our children properly? Or is it because people are afraid our children will also be disabled and will add to the burden we already place on society. Whatever the reason, I am writing this to ask that the next time you see a visibly pregnant woman with a disability you treat her just as you would an able bodied pregnant woman. After all except for the particulars of the disability we’re really not all that different.
On October 22, 1997, Judith and her husband Eron welcomed little Isaac to the world! Congratulations!! --Trish and John
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